Something I’ve known from the start would be that we would have to encounter Callie learning about “Daddy’s” and we would have to explain to her why she didn’t have one. What I didn’t expect to happen was for her to grasp the concept so quickly.
I guess I should explain. Callie’s favourite book at the minute is “The tiger who came to tea,” I’m sure I can see you wonder where I’m going with this. Lately Callie has started flicking through the book and talking about it. One page she say’s “dinner” the next “tiger,” on another “ice-cream” and then, you guessed it, “Daddy”.
It was like a punch in the stomach. She didn’t realise the significance of what she said, she’s only just turned two after all, but that one word took the wind out of my sails.
I’ve been questioning myself when it comes to telling her stories if I should keep the word “daddy” in, change it to mummy, leave it out all together or keep it in. Im so conflicted. I don’t want to reinforce the word into her vocabulary. I feel so confused. If anyone else has been in this situation please drop me a comment or a pm with how you managed it.
I cant help but feel guilty. Guilty that she’ll never call anyone daddy and that she’ll never have that relationship. Parenting is one big guilt merry-go-round. Just when you think its time to hop off, the ride starts up again. Around and around and AROUND you go. I want to get off, but I don’t think this ride is going to stop any time soon.
It’s only going to get worse the older she gets, she’s going to understand the concept of it and maybe feel like she’s missing out. But she isn’t. I know in my heart of hearts that we are giving her an incredible life and she is such a lucky girl. She is surrounded by so many people that love her, and their gender isn’t important. Callie is being raised by two people who love each other and her very much. Nothing else matters. She is loved and will always be loved.
It’s got me thinking though that the representation of “family” in the media is still very much aimed at a typical “Mum, Dad, Kids” or single parent families. Very few mentions of same-sex families in tv shows, movies or books. And that is the issue. It only reinforces the fact that our family is different. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with being different I want her to feel normal.
I want to write a children’s book for her, one she can look at and see herself and her family in. I haven’t been able to find many books about same-sex families and I want to change that. I’ve been told that i’m a good writer and I’d really like to challenge myself. I hope I can do it and make her proud. I’ve no idea where to start but hopefully by saying it out loud (so to speak) it’ll give me a kick up the arse to stop procrastinating and actually do it.
I’ve no idea if this book will be our story or one I make up, I guess like many of my blogs it will probably start off in one place and end up 40 miles off the subject but I’ll never know unless I try.