She needs me to be proud

I’m sure some of you saw the picture I shared a few nights ago, for those of you that didn’t, here it is.

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It’s got me thinking a lot about the world we’ve brought Callie into, and it makes me sad. Not for Callie, but for those people who genuinely believe that gay people are incapable of creating a loving family or whatever other twisted views they have. In this day and age I really thought…or maybe hoped that the majority of people believed that love makes a family, regardless of gender. Im starting to think that I’m seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses.

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Im generally quite a shy person and the idea of a social situation where I don’t know a single person is enough to send me into a tailspin. But having Callie has forced me to be more confident and approach things differently. I got bullied a lot at school and it’s the last thing I want to happen to Callie. I need to teach her to be strong and brave and that starts with teaching myself that too.

She needs me to be proud.

Up until we had Callie I was always quite reserved about my sexuality, I’m a people pleaser and have a desperate need for people to like me. For whatever reason I believed if people found out I was gay they wouldn’t want to be around me. It might sound silly but it’s a genuine fear and one I need to get over quick. It’s only now I have Callie that I’m more open about my relationship and correct someone when they assume my partner to be a man.

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I have to be, If i’m not openly proud that she has two mummies then why should she be? I don’t ever want her to feel like an outcast or not normal because she comes from a Two Mummy Family and that starts by me holding my head up high and normalising it for her.

This is maybe coming across wrong. It’s not that I’m not proud, I am, I just don’t go waving a rainbow flag in the face of every stranger I meet… well except that one time at Pride. But I was drunk. It doesn’t count.

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And its easy to be proud at a celebration like Pride, you’re surrounded by people who are just like you. It’s much harder to be proud in a sea full of straight people.

I realise I’m making it sound like before I had Callie I was still in the closet and thats not the case, not really. All of my family and friends knew, so did the girls I work with and when Jenny and I are in public I think it’s blatantly obvious that we are a couple. But it’s only when I got pregnant I would say “My girlfriend” instead of “My partner” and sometimes I still slip up and catch myself referring to her as my partner, but for the most part I’m trying to be brave and not give a shit what anyone thinks of me. At the end of the day this is who I am, I don’t want to be anyone but me and I couldn’t be happier with my life so why not be proud??

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The one thing I think thats concerning me the most isn’t strangers reactions to this all, it’s mainly because of my job. I’ve mentioned before that I work in childcare and while previously I never would have told the children I work with that i’m engaged to a girl, I think now it’s only right that if they ask about Callie and her other parent that I’m honest with them. But I can foresee some issues here. Not with the children, I’m sure they wont give it a second thought, but I am worried about what some of the parents may think. Unfortunately at the end of the day Callie will be going to that same nursery, and I’m not hiding the fact that she has two mummies just to make someone else more comfortable. She is my baby and I will protect her, if I don’t talk about it openly she will think it’s something to be ashamed about and I will not let that happen.

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In saying all of that, the support we have received since announcing our pregnancy right through to now has been more than I imagined. We’ve had very few negative comments on our Facebook page and absolutely none (to our faces) in real life. Everyone we have come across has been more than polite and in some cases excited to meet Flump in the flesh! Which by the way we love, it’s so heartwarming to have people recognise her and come say hello, I really think it will only help us show Callie how special she is to have two loving mummies.

Sometimes I feel guilty though, as every mummy does at one time or another. I feel guilty that she doesn’t have a “Daddy”. Especially since we are both so close to our own, and both argue that ours is the best in the world. I feel so guilty that she wont have that bond, but she does have two of the best Granda’s in the world and I’m sure they will more than make up for it.

At the end of the day she has two parents that love her to death, an extended family who will look out for her and fight for her no matter what and an army of Flump supporters, what more could a girl want? Well, maybe a cuddle from Iggle Piggle.


 


4 thoughts on “She needs me to be proud

  1. I’m really interested in what you have said about working in childcare and raising the idea that you have a girlfriend to the children with whom you work. I know Northern Ireland isn’t yet with the programme regarding marriage equality. But England is. Last year, at my daughter’s school, they were learning about marriage. This came right before we were due to be attending my brother’s wedding (to a man :-D) and I said to the teacher, ‘I hope you will be discussing that marriage does not need to be just between a man and a woman’. The poor teacher was like a deer in headlights. I guess they feel it’s still a touchy subject because they are a C of E school. But my feeling is this. It is not a tricky subject. Its The Law! And children need to understand this because hopefully by teaching tolerance/acceptance and normalising same-sex marriage at an early age, it might result in less sexuality shaming and bullying in schools. AND…it would also support teachers and staff who are in gay relationships, allowing them a level of comfort to be themselves in the workplace. Rant over…thanks for this article! Am going to go share it on my FB page! xx

    Like

  2. I’m really interested in what you have said about working in childcare and raising the idea that you have a girlfriend to the children with whom you work. I know Northern Ireland isn’t yet with the programme regarding marriage equality. But England is. Last year, at my daughter’s school, they were learning about marriage. This came right before we were due to be attending my brother’s wedding (to a man :-D) and I said to the teacher, ‘I hope you will be discussing that marriage does not need to be just between a man and a woman’. The poor teacher was like a deer in headlights. I guess they feel it’s still a touchy subject because they are a C of E school. But my feeling is this. It is not a tricky subject. Its The Law! And children need to understand this because hopefully by teaching tolerance/acceptance and normalising same-sex marriage at an early age, it might result in less sexuality shaming and bullying in schools. AND…it would also support teachers and staff who are in gay relationships, allowing them a level of comfort to be themselves in the workplace. Rant over…thanks for this article! Am going to go share it on my FB page! xx

    Like

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