Ok so before I get into it I just want to say THANK YOU to each and every one of you. Our website has been live just over a month and we’ve been ranked 2554 out of over 15000 parenting blogs in the UK on the tots100 website. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it’s a start! I’m determined to work my way up and if it takes me one year or ten I will get out of the 2000’s into the 100’s. I’ve always wanted to blog and Callie has finally given me a reason to do it. So thank you so much to my little Flump for being my inspiration and again thank you to you all for listening to my ramblings.
Anyway! Yes I am still here. I’ve finally been able to tear myself away from Callie long enough to write a post. Well. Actually that’s a lie. She’s firmly attached to me in our brand new Tula. It’s probably the best thing I’ve ever bought in my life and anyone with a baby should immediately run out and buy one! Not only do I have my hands free to do things again I still get all the fun of baby cuddles, so it’s win/win really.
But I digress. I’m finally biting the bullet and admitting I need to change my ways. For too long I’ve been able to lie to myself and say “Oh she’s only X weeks old, I don’t need to lose the baby weight yet”. But now she’s 12 weeks old and that excuse is beginning to sound pretty pathetic. Anyone who knows me (and knows me well) will know I’ve always had an obsession with my weight and always struggled with it; even when I was at my skinniest. Before we started trying to get pregnant I’d managed to get myself down to a size 10 *insert crying emoji here* and now, embarrassingly, there are some size 16 jeans that I cant fit into. My whole pregnancy I managed to avoid leggings and now they are pretty much all I fit into.
Having a newborn is tough and time seems to be slipping away. The days all seem to blur into one and I find myself in a loop of cuddles, feeding and nappy changing. There are days where it takes me to lunchtime before I even get around to having breakfast. I know this is part of the problem. I’m going to try my best to eat as soon as I get up and nothing after 6pm (there are some nights I only manage to eat dinner at 9pm and its never healthy). But she’s getting bigger now and pretty soon she’ll be eating what we eat and I don’t want that to be takeaway!
So before my arse gets big enough that it needs its own Postcode and before my thighs give up and permanently merge into one being I’m putting my foot down. I’m locking my cupboards and I’m going to get healthy!
I think that’s probably the most important point to make here. I’m not doing this so I can be stick thin and live of one carrot stick every 2 days. I’m mostly doing this for my mental health. The past few months have been really tough and unless I’ve really had to, I haven’t left my house. It’s only in the last few weeks that I’ve slowly started to get myself back out again. I have no real reason for not wanting to leave other than I feel so uncomfortable and fat and I don’t want anyone to see me like this. I’ve been running past the mirrors in my house and refusing to accept just how big I’ve gotten. Although it’s hard to admit, I’ve not wanted to take many pictures with Callie because I’m so unhappy with how I look.. And that’s killing me. I want to remember this time in her life, she’s not going to be this small for long and I don’t want my weight to be the reason I forget every little moment with her. So before I spiral out, I’m taking control. As of today I’ve started a food diary and I’m going to try my best to take Callie a walk at least once a day and swimming once a week. I’m holding myself accountable and I’m hoping by writing down exactly what I’m eating it’ll help me avoid the foods I know are only adding to the problem.
To summarise. I’m sick of being fat and determined to do something about it. Those size 12 jeans are calling my name and I can’t wait to see them again.