How is my baby girl one week old already? If anyone knows where I can get my hands on Bernard’s Watch please let me know. Time is going too fast already. I’m sure by next week she’ll be packing her bags and heading off to University…
What a week it’s been! I may have fibbed a little bit about not knowing when she was going to arrive, or at the very least start making a move.
I was due last Saturday, so the following Monday I had a scan to check Callie’s growth and make a further plan. Because she was an IUI baby I was worried about letting her go too far over and every day she did I got more anxious something would go wrong. That coupled with SPD and lack of sleep and I was more than ready for her to be here! I asked to be induced and thankfully the consultant agreed. So we had our date, I was to be brought in that Wednesday and immediately relief washed over me. And then panic. Shit… I knew by the weekend I’d be a mummy, I’d be responsible for another life and that’s if everything went to plan. What if it didn’t? What if I didn’t make it, or even worse, what if she didn’t?? I already loved her so much I couldn’t imagine living in a world where I didn’t get to take her home.
The next few days we spent rushing about, checking we had everything we needed and praying no one would find out when we were being induced. I didn’t want anyone to know, it was already stressful enough without people knowing she was almost ready to make an appearance.
On Wednesday afternoon we packed everything into the car and left our house for the last time as Sarah & Jenny, the next time we stepped through the door we’d be mummies. Ahhh!! It was a very emotional morning and I spent most of it in tears. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t have wanted her to be here any more than I did but I was scared. Scared of my life changing. Worried about how we would cope and would I be good enough for her? And sad that after today (or the next few days) I’d never feel her kick me again. I knew I’d have a baby at the end of it all but I’d miss my Flump bump.
It was a nerve-wracking drive to the hospital and the longest 15 minutes of my life but when we got to the antenatal ward I suddenly felt calm. I knew we were about to start a brand new chapter of our lives and excitement took over.
We got settled into the ward and were prepared to be there a while! I was expecting it to take days for things to kick off considering she’d made no attempts to get here on her own and my cervix was shut tighter than Fort Knox.
So the first pessary (so much fun by the way!!!) was inserted and we were told that after 6 hours we could get another. Great, couldn’t wait for that!! We made ourselves busy and did a couple of laps of the hospital, hoping it would help get things moving. Once our 6 hours were up I was checked again and I was 1cm dilated and the second pessary was given, it was a lot more painful than the 1st and I needed Gas and Air to let them do it. Boy was I screwed when it came to labour if I struggled to cope with this part! But yay! It was progress and meant things were going in the right direction. Callie was still very high up and we didn’t expect much to happen that night. I went for a bath around 11:00pm to help ease the pains and Jenny was sent home to get some rest.
An hour later things started to get more intense and I was given painkillers. 30 minutes after that I was checked again, and I was still only 1cm. I cried. This was going to take forever and the pain was already intense, I was given a pethidine injection in the hopes I’d get some sleep but less than an hour later my waters had broke, Jenny was called back and I was being rushed to Midwifery Led Care.
I was 3cm and getting awful pains in my back. I begged for a water birth. It was all I had thought about since getting pregnant and at 3:45am they allowed me to go in, but only if I understood that it would be for 2 hours and then I’d have to get out to be checked again and have a bit of a break from the water. I agreed. Anything to try and ease the pain, I couldn’t sit or lie down without almost falling off the bed. The baby was back to back and it killed.
The relief of the water was incredible. Don’t get me wrong the pain was excruciating but it was definitely easier to cope.
An hour later things kicked off in a big way! I started feeling a lot of pressure and needed to push. No bother to Callie, she took her time making her way into the world but when she wanted to come out nothing was slowing her down! 45 minutes of pushing and our gorgeous girl was here! She was just gorgeous and had the biggest eyes (and feet!!) that I’d ever seen in my life. Relief flooded over me, she was safe and she was ours. In total my labour lasted 3 hours and 46 minutes.
But it wouldn’t be us if there wasn’t a little bit of drama! Even though I’d managed with minimal pain relief I had suffered a 3rd degree tear and would need a spinal to repair it in theatre. It was a real low blow. I’d been adamant I didn’t want one and the thought of a catheter scared the life out of me, but it had to happen. So while I was being checked over Jenny was holding the baby and all of a sudden shouted; “Someone take the baby, I’m going to faint”. The midwife ran, grabbed Callie and gave her to me and somehow managed to catch Jenny all in the space of a few seconds. She really should consider training for the Olympics. She could move!
So there I was, legs in stirrups holding our 1hr old baby girl and Jenny was on the floor shaking, the emergency buzzer had been pressed and there were about 10 other people flooding into the room. I thought she was going to die. It was the scariest thing I’d ever seen. We knew Jenny was a fainter and I was surprised she lasted that long before it happened, she even managed to cut the cord! Something she had said she didn’t want to do. Although she was only out for a few seconds it felt like an eternity and while we can laugh about it now at the time it was awful. But at least it distracted me from what was about to happen. I’ve never had an operation or even stitches before and the thought of going to theatre was terrifying. I was convinced that I wouldn’t be coming back. I was completely exhausted but too scared to sleep, I didn’t think I would open my eyes again if I let them close. All in all I was in theatre for two hours. Two whole hours of my baby girl’s life that I missed and I can never get back. I know that its nothing compared to what some people go through but to me it was everything. I feel robbed of her first few hours. Being apart was the worst feeling of my life, but being reunited, second to her being born, was the best.
Thinking back now it was a blessing in disguise. It meant that Jenny was able to bond with Callie and spend more time with her than she probably would have had I been there.
I was made to stay in hospital a few extra days just to make sure everything was ok but finally on Saturday, 3 days after we got there we were allowed to go home and start our lives as a family. I’ve never been more in love in my life and I couldn’t love Jenny more. She is the most amazing mother to our daughter and our lives have been completed. Callie is a blessing and we couldn’t be prouder or happier. So I’m sat here still in my pjs and Callie is lying on top of me snoozing away. I’ve never felt more complete (or tired) in my whole life. She was worth every second of doubt, every appointment and all the heartbreak that comes with fertility treatment. The second she was born she healed us. To anyone currently trying to conceive please don’t ever give up hope. It’s possible and it’s worth it.