Apologies guys, this is a long one, but I promise it has a good ending.
By September 2015 we were coming around to the idea of trying again. We thought long and hard about it and spent many nights talking it over, was it really worth putting ourselves in more debt just to fail again? Would we forgive ourselves if we didn’t try? We eventually decided that we would try once more that year and if it didn’t work we would take a year out, we just had one problem; money.
It tends to be the main cause of problems in anyones life but this is especially true when your going through private fertility treatment. We couldn’t afford it on our own, even if we both maxed out our credit cards. We were stuck. We had come so far it felt wrong to give up now. Something was telling me to try just one more time, I was ready for the disappointment and I was convinced that it wouldn’t work but yet something was telling me to go for it anyway. That’s where our Fairy Godmother stepped in…or should i say Fairy Godfamily? My parents and sister offered to give us the rest of the money we needed to try again. This time would be different though. We were open books the first time round and incredibly naive. This time no one would know we were even considering going a second time. I couldn’t cope with the pressure and the constant questioning. And i couldn’t bare to tell anyone that we had failed again. So the only people that knew were my parents and sister, and thats just because they were bankrolling it!
We made a few more changes. I was determined that we were going to give ourselves the best possible chance this time around, and if it didn’t work then at least we tried our hardest.
The biggest change was the donor. We hadn’t had much luck with the first one and I had lost faith in him so we decided to change. We found out the clinics most successful donor and after reading his profile we were amazed that we didn’t see him sooner! He was perfect. His looks and personality seemed like Jenny down to the last detail! Im convinced that he’s her long, long, long, lost half brother twice removed.
The day of our friends wedding we decided to call the clinic and we were booked in to see the consultant that coming Monday. For months before our first try I didn’t drink, I took vitamins and I was as healthy as I could be but hey, this was a wedding and we were about to go through the most stressful time of our life all over again, so I got drunk, really drunk…and it was great. It was so nice to have a bit of fun and blow off a lot of steam! I hadn’t smiled so much in the longest time, and I don’t know if that was down to the alcohol or the fact we decided to try once again.
That Monday we met with the consultant and got to start the super fun injections again, this time however they changed my dose. The first time i was taking 50 GonalF a day and it resulted in 2 mature follicles which could have caused twins, this time they reduced the dosage to 35 a day. I was a little upset as it hadn’t worked with a higher dose so why would it work if they decreased it?? But I came to find out its better if the follicle doesn’t mature too quickly and as I hadn’t much faith it would work this time anyway I just went with the flow. I trusted that they knew what they were doing.
So again after countless visits and injections the big day came. On Thursday the 1st of October we hit the road to Belfast and gave it our last shot.
We were asked if we minded the clinic manager performing our IUI under supervision as she was training to do them herself. I didn’t mind, we had met Jennifer a few times and she always made us feel so calm and at ease, she has such an amazing energy about her (if you are lucky enough to meet her you’ll know what i mean! She’s an angel)
This time felt different, maybe it was the lack of pressure we were putting on ourselves as we didn’t think it would work or maybe we were in a better place but we didn’t feel nervous. We laughed and joked and giggled together before the procedure and had never felt closer.
Finally we were called in and just like that it was over. It really doesn’t take long to do. I had done a little research and found that if you lie still after the procedure the success rates were higher so I asked if I could lie down afterwards and as per usual this was no problem. Origin really do everything they can to make you comfortable. We stayed for 30 mins chatting to one of the nurses and weren’t once pressured into leaving. It was so nice just to relax and once we were ready we took off back down the road home. Jenny made me lunch in bed and we spent all day watching movies and laughing ( I was sat with my arse in the air and my legs halfway up the wall, I did say we took no chances!! I was giving those little guys all the help they could get to make it to their destination). I took the next day off work to rest, I don’t think anyone really realises how physically and mentally draining this process is, and a few days off was exactly what the Dr ordered. We had read so many tips for IUI working and we were determined to try them all, the main one was pineapple core. You are supposed to buy a fresh pineapple, cut out the core and spilt it into 5 pieces. One piece a day is to be eaten from the day of IUI until 4 days after it so thats what we did! I also avoided hot baths, kept my feet warm at all times (warm feet = warm uterus! – who knew??) and I stopped taking ibuprofen for headaches. I also switched to decaf tea. God knows what it was but something worked…
I managed to hold out until 5 days post iui to test, again I wanted to make sure the trigger was leaving my system. I stocked up on pregnancy tests and told myself i could do one every other day. There was a faint line on day 5 but i put that down to the drugs and by day 7 it was even fainter. I had pretty much lost hope at that stage…but on day 9 the line was stronger. I was shocked. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Maybe the test on day 7 was faulty and it was still the drugs working their way out? By day 11 though….it was pretty hard to deny! And i could barely hold back the tears on my official test day when we got that big fat positive. I still tested a few more times after that…just to make sure!
I think we were in a bit of shock, my hands were shaking when I rang the clinic to tell them and the nurses were over the moon for us!
They really do share in your successes as well as your failures and its one of the many reasons I love that place so much. Without them we wouldn’t have our family. They booked us in for a 6 week ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and to check that it wasn’t ectopic.
After I got off the phone it hit me…we’re going to be parents. We’re actually going to have a little person to look after. You focus so much on getting pregnant that you seem to forget what happens after that!
The morning of our 6 week scan I was beyond nervous. What if this was all just one big trick and i wasn’t really pregnant? Maybe it would be ectopic, or what if it wasn’t growing properly?? To say i was panicked would be a severe understatement!
We were taken through to the room I’ve become overly familiar with and we were greeted by Jennifer. I was shaking so hard I’m surprised she was even able to do the scan! I couldn’t even look at the screen i just held Jenny’s hand and shut my eyes tight. All i can remember is Jennifer saying “Congratulations!” and the flood gates opened. I cried so hard, looked at the screen and there was our wee Flump. Just chilling out, nice as you like, not much to see other than a blob at this stage but it was more than i ever dared to hope for! The dates measured perfectly and i just about managed to thank her through my tears. We thanked Jennifer over and over again and I couldn’t help but give her a hug. She made all our dreams come true. She told us after the scan that we were her first pregnancy! So i’d like to think she hasn’t forgotten us 🙂
And thats it! You’re pretty much all up to speed on the before story, fast forward nearly 20 weeks and here we are! If i’ve left out any details or theres still things you want to know please feel free to ask! I can only apologise and blame it on the baby brain ❤